Life after Shiny Happy People: Interview with Lindsey Williams

You may have heard people talking about “the necklace that girl was wearing” in the recently released docuseries on Amazon Prime, “Shiny Happy People.” We weren’t actually aware of the show until we started receiving messages from friends and customers. I immediately started trying to find the girl that was using our necklace to get more of her story. 

No one could have prepared me for what happened next. Not only is she one of the bravest people I’ve ever met, she is now using her story and experience to empower and equip others to be brave too. 

Hi I’m April, Director of Community here at Komuso. Please enjoy this interview between myself and the incredible Lindsey Williams. She’ll discuss the following:

Life after Shiny Happy People: Interview with Lindsey Williams

You may have heard people talking about “the necklace that girl was wearing” in the recently released docuseries on Amazon Prime, “Shiny Happy People.” We weren’t actually aware of the show until we started receiving messages from friends and customers. I immediately started trying to find the girl that was using our necklace to get more of her story. 

No one could have prepared me for what happened next. Not only is she one of the bravest people I’ve ever met, she is now using her story and experience to empower and equip others to be brave too. 

Hi I’m April, Director of Community here at Komuso. Please enjoy this interview between myself and the incredible Lindsey Williams. She’ll discuss the following:

Q&A with Lindsey William

APRIL: Hi! Wow, it is so nice to cross paths with you. We have been receiving messages about the girl with the necklace, but I couldn’t have imagined being on the phone with you a week later.

LINDSEY: So nice to meet you too! I filmed for this docuseries in Feb of 2022, so I knew this was coming. I have been receiving a ton of emails and messages, and I’m here for it. I am an open book, and I’m ready to share.

APRIL: Lindsey, that’s amazing, and I want you to know that we are so honored that you would choose to share your story with us.

[there was a lot more small talk and get to know you, but we want to get right to the part where we jump into her story and how the Shift made the scene.]

APRIL: So, tell me about your story. I know it’s big with many many layers. How did the Shift make the scene?

LINDSEY: It is a deep well with many layers. Starting at a very young age, I experienced physical, emotional, educational, and relational abuse. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, and I am wanting to share my story in hopes of shining a light into the spaces where this is still happening, especially since most don’t realize this is happening in families they know or see all the time.

APRIL: Did most of this happen when your family joined the group discussed in the documentary?

LINDSEY:Yes, they became members of the IBLP movement. It was like something new in my life changed daily. No TVs (sucked b/c I liked Saturday morning cartoons), dress modestly, hyper-focus on respect of authority, a deep focus on the Bible and Bill Gothard’s teachings, ritualistic disciplinary actions and strict controlling boundaries. My parents chose to embrace spanking as the ultimate way to “train” us and teach us to behave. As one can imagine, there was a lot of embarrassment, shame, and humiliation caused by this course of action especially being introduced at such a young age.

APRIL: Ritualistic?

LINDSEY: I’ve always called it that as there was a very specific way in which we had to prepare for discipline and then wait to receive it. At probably a little younger than 8 I would be told to “go prepare for discipline” and could wait 2 minutes or up to or past 20 min. in my room. You can imagine what goes on in a child’s mind. The anxiety, shame, embarrassment, repeated trauma, and stress were real. I was reprimanded if I cried or cried out. This was a time in my life when I realized that the adults who were supposed to keep me safe chose a method of pain in an attempt to “break my will, educate me to be more godly, etc” when what I probably needed most was a loving ear and open arms to help me feel safe.

APRIL: Wow, I can’t imagine how that must have felt and impacted your life moving forward. I also know you could probably tell me a hundred more stories just like this one, but a kind person wouldn’t ask you to do that. 

LINDSEY: Like I said, I am an open book. I have been through a lot of therapy, including EMDR [Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing], I have an incredible community of fiercely loving friends, and am at a point in my story where I want to share it in hopes that it will empower and help others.

[I had to stop to hold back emotion at this time. What an extraordinary person I’m speaking with.]

APRIL: Okay girl, well let’s get into that part of things then. At the end of the day, we are talking about the nervous system, right? How to regulate, and what it feels like when we are in survival mode or dysregulated. Tell me more about that.

LINDSEY: Yes, definitely. After being in an abusive and controlling home, I went on to IBLP headquarters to work for Bill Gothard’s ministry. I was groomed by Bill and his prayer couch multiple evenings a week. This caused a lot of panic for me, and I know now that I was in “freeze response” coupled with compliance whenever we were together. He used ANYTHING as a reason for us to be together and pray. He would physically hold my hand, and press the entirety of the profile of his body against mine while we knelt by the couch. He would nuzzle his head against my shoulder or my own head and nudge me when it was my turn to pray. Trying to get prayer out of any kind became robotic as my entire body system was panicked but still. Through a long course of ridiculous events, I was eventually punished for a wrongdoing not in relation to Bill, but he tried to have the board of directors keep me at HQ. They finally told him no, and I was sent to one of his Training Centers where I was ridiculed and treated poorly for 5 months. There was so much heartache in my early 20’s, and yet, I finally got out from under Bill’s control at 21. I got married at 22 (which was the ONLY way I would have been able to truly leave everything behind). I modeled, and got into makeup and hair as a potential career thanks to my wild heart in wanting to attempt modeling! I went to cosmetology school but had to get a high school equivalency test at about 27 yrs old. I received a barely passing grade for that test and almost failed my state boards for my license because the written test gave me intense anxiety as the PTSD from my lack of learning reared its ugliness to destroy any little confidence I was trying to hold on to. Through a lot of hard work, ignoring the awful voices in my subconscious of how “less than” I was, I still find it mind-blowing that I can say I am a successful makeup and hair artist who has worked in NYC, LA, and overseas! It gets me the most emotional when I see just how far I’ve come and the gratitude I have for this little body of mine who has carried me through the worst of times!

[if you want to know more about that you can follow Lindsey on Tik Tok, and listen to podcasts here]

APRIL: Tell me about New York. 

LINDSEY: New York was a stress-inducing pressure cooker that sparked an overwhelming amount of fear and anxiety. I had to assimilate and imposter into that space just like I did in the cult. I’d been out of IBLP and ATI for 13 years when I arrived in NYC and yet with even that much distance from the past, the fear and shame of someone ever really finding out about my past was overwhelming. I know now that it was the conditioning that had plugged fear of my past into me. I didn’t put it there on purpose and it never should have been there in the first place. But this is the result of high control religion, patriarchy and dominance does to people. I never truly felt like I was living in the truth of my own self. I was always trying to pump myself up as I would walk into photo studios with the quote from The Help, Lindsey, “You is Kind, You is Smart, You is Important!”. I would add to the list as I walked! You have a license, You are determined, You ask questions, You deserve to be here, You will be worried, but You will Succeed! I didn’t know any other way to go about any of this but I was so exhausted from the self doubt and fear. I also hated how it made my body so out of whack and that was definitely the manifestation of anxiety in my nervous system from living to hyper vigilant, always. I lived in a constant state of survival mode and what I now know was dysregulation.

APRIL: Wow, that is really intense and must have been really frustrating as you were building your career. It feels like the abusers were still with you.

LINDSEY: Oh absolutely! It was really frustrating because I would blame myself for not being strong enough. “C’mon Lindsey just push through, what’s wrong with you?” I became so fearful of riding public transit that I actually bought a car. Who buys a car in New York? No one, that’s who. But, there I was. I was trying with every fiber of my being to make it work and refused to let this anxiety ruin my opportunities and the career I had fought so hard to create. I eventually couldn’t take it anymore, so I decided I needed to move in hopes that would help.

APRIL: Where did you decide to move?

LINDSEY:I moved to LA hoping for a new start in a calmer space (house instead of apartment, more space instead vs NYC crammed life). What I didn’t realize was that I could run from the location, but the trauma was stored in my nervous system and would follow me no matter where I went. 

APRIL: Wow, it is amazing how our body keeps the score. So, what happened when you arrived in LA?

LINDSEY: My fear of transiting anywhere became so intense that I was inching closer and closer to becoming agoraphobic. It was really frustrating because, at this point in my career, I was doing make-up for celebrities and large-scale clientele. I was building a life I wanted and was paralyzed by a trauma response. This presented in mental and physical ways. I’ve struggled with IBS for years and could tell countless stories about how that has kept me from living a quality life. All of this repressed fear, abuse, and neglect was catching up with me, and my body was screeeeeaming for me to pay attention and get help beyond a book or a podcast or friendly advice. It needed a reboot and professional help.

APRIL: Sounds like that’s a big story.

LINDSEY: Yes, I’ve talked about IBS and anxiety a little bit on Tik Tok because it is a very lonely, embarrassing illness which most caring people don’t quite have the tools to address. They always mean well, but for an anxiety sufferer we need more than pat answers of support. That’s a story for another time. I was determined to conquer this fear of transportation (i.e. driving my own car, Uber/Life drives, flying, subways, etc). Once I was in LA and realized the anxiety didn’t change, I knew I needed to make some adjustments in a different way addressing my body responses. That’s where you guys, or the Shift, come in. I needed help regulating my nervous system. I started with the simple task of getting to work. The Shiftseemed like a great tool for that. I would just breathe through it the whole time I would drive to jobs. It calmed me down and regulated my nervous system so I could get in my car and drive. This was the beginning of the journey of learning how to tune in and listen to my body. I’ve since coupled breathing with a lot of other helpful tools and I’m really proud of myself for where I am today.

APRIL: I’m so glad we found each other. I’m so glad the Shift was one of the tools that helped in your healing journey. That took a lot of courage and strength to even get in the car. You probably discovered strength within yourself you didn’t even know was there.

LINDSEY: Oh absolutely. I have a great therapist, I’ve used some tapping in conjunction with Shift breathing, I’ve done EMDR, and now I’m using my voice to share and amplify the amazing things I’ve found that have helped on this healing journey. Ongoing and most definitely not linear. I learn something each day, and I’m just really grateful for the community that is forming all around me. I am learning so much about what safety looks and feels like. I am so thankful to be free.

Lindsey’s Courage Kit

APRIL: Well, we are humbled to be a part of your story and in your corner for sure. Thank you for using your voice to educate and help others. The word that comes to mind when talking with you is COURAGE. Because of this, we wanted to ask you something. If you were to create a courage toolkit, what would that include?

LINDSEY:(her answers)

Symptoms & Warning Signs

APRIL: And lastly. If I may ask what the symptoms and warning signs were that might alert someone they are in an abusive situation?

LINDSEY: I think the easier ones to spot are the physical abuses. The insidious ones are gaslighting, dominant control, dismissiveness to your own needs, repeated offenses with no growth, religious controls of your actions, words and thoughts. There are many but at this moment those scream loudest to me. At the end of the day, listen to yourself. If something feels off and you can’t quite put your finger on what or why, keep allowing that part of you to be suspicious. Lean into it and you will eventually figure it out. Our bodies, far too often, are denied a seat at the table of an overactive, hyper vigilant response. It took my body “acting out” and going haywire for me to realize this. Take deep breaths, calm your body and then ask the hard questions that may require difficult decisions to be made. In the end, your safety, sanity and happiness are more important than an abuser's feelings. Period.

Disclaimer

The content here is designed to help raise awareness and honor Lindsey’s journey. The Shift is designed to slow your exhale to help overcome stress and anxiety. Please seek counseling if needed, this content and the Shift are not meant to replace help from a licensed professional.

You are not alone.If you need help, here are several resources to contact:

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) 800-950-NAMI

24 hours National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-TALK

24/7 support via text: Crisis Text Line 741741

In the event of an emergency, please contact one of the numbers above.